What do you want out of life?

Be  thou  my  strong  habitation,  whereunto  I may  continually  resort...For  You  are  my hope;  O  Lord  GOD,  You  are  my  confidence from my youth.” (Psalm 71:3,5)

What do you want from God? What does God want from you?  In modern days God has revealing Himself in a fresh way.  It is a new day but God remains the same.  He is immutable.  His methods to draw us have changed but His undying love for us remains the same and His desire for intimate relationship with His people only deepens with time.  As God pours fresh oil upon us, we sense  God's  love  and  presence  as  we  humble  ourselves before Him and we change as a result of his drawing. What is enthralling to me is  that  the  posture  in  worship  seems  to  be  not  so  much what we can get from God, but what we give to God in true adoration.  I am convinced that every person desires to experience the divine.  So many search for something more than the immediate present of the day to day connundrums of life. {insert link here to read further on blog page]
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How can we experience nirvana within the Christian experience?   He  has  done  so  much  for  us  already  that  our posture should be that of showing love to the ultimate lover our souls.  During this latter rain, God will indeed fulfill His promises to us, for as the preacher said ―A Promise is a promise, is a promise.  As we await and  prepare  for  the manifestation of the promise, let us bask at His feet as He fills  us,  changes  us,  molds  us,  builds  up  some  things  and casts down others for the enhancement of His reputation in our lives. This   opportunity   to   experience   intimacy   with   God   is available  to  us  because  God,  as  the  initiator  of  worship, continually  calls  out  to  us  to  be  near  Him  and  commune with  Him.  The  believer  chooses  to  worship  God  as  a response  to  that  call.  The  Bible  ensures  that  "none  come unto God unless the Spirit draws him."Amidst all that is going on in the world, it is God's delight to have  an intimate  relationship  with  His  people.  As far back as    the    Garden    of    Eden,   Adam    is    said    to   have communed  with God every day in the "cool of the day."

Throughout the Bible, we see God's plan unfolding to draw us back to Himself and to have a people that will allow Him to  be  the  focal  point  of our worship and  much  more,  the focal point of our lives. With God's provision, however, He does  not  coerce  or  force  us  to  respond.  Instead,  it  is  a discipline in  which  we  reverberate,  "I WILL bless  the  Lord at  all  times,  and  His  praise  shall  continually  be  in  my mouth." When we sit and pout, refusing to give God glory, we are simply refusing His invitation to us. As believers, we unwittingly  shun  His  love,  mercy  and  grace  that  He  has freely  given  to  us.  God  is  calling  us  to  worship  Him privately and corporately. He wants us to move beyond the exhilaration  we  feel  in  worship  and  worship  because  we love  Him  beyond  compare  and  want  to  fill our  hearts  with an intimacy that no one else can –to touch us in the secret parts and be made whole. Each  believer  must  make  a  conscious  effort  to  worship when  we feel like it and  when  we don't.  This discipline is an  act of  obedience  to  our  Lord.  While the  feeling  of worship  can  be  breathtaking,  the  discipline  of  worship should not be ignored.

 Oh  Lord,  May  our  fellowship  with  You  be  our  continual habitation. 

Black History Homage to Grandma

Missing Grandma - #BHM Homage

Many times we believe that the only way to receive the gospel is in the pews with an eloquent preacher who spits out truths to live by on Sunday morning or others who utilize social media to reach a modern audience with teachings and spiritual rhetoric.  Others use the bully pulpit of television to evangelize a congregation of millions.  But I want to this month pay homage to my grandmother.  She was not a grandiose preacher, evangelist, missionary in the traditional sense.  But she did leave an indelible impression upon me as to what a Christian woman of grace, faith and strength should emanate.  Please allow me to reminisce this Black History Month on the memory of my Grandmother, Lillian Campbell Williams.  A woman who didn't make it to the history books, nor does she have a cornerstone embedded with her name on a new sanctuary structure.  She may have been forgotten by many.  But not to me.   

My grandmother died in 1997 and I still feel her loss.  I often ask the questions today, "How proud would she be of me that I earned my Master's Degree? How would she feel that I am a minister of the gospel?  How would she feel that I migrated back to our roots, North Carolina?"

I think I missed her most on my wedding day.  She would have been so happy.  I wanted to make her happy because she meant so much to me.  But I'm also glad that her pain has ended.  I sometimes reflect on the way she died.  She had pancreatic cancer (I hope they find a cure soon) and it was painful for her.  Why would God allow this god-fearing woman to suffer so much pain in her final days.  To see her in pain brought me pain.  It just didn't seem fair.  Her pain seemed long and drawn out.  She was a strong woman before her sickness, a woman of grace and hospitality, a giver, a caretaker, a survivor.  She lived life on her own terms. What's profound is that even toward the end, she wouldn't even allow the nursing aid to come in the house.  She would tell her "go away" and even my mother (her daughter) couldn't convince her to open the door  She would say, "I don't need her..tell her to go away."

Even when she was in hospice the only person she would allow to touch her hair was me.  On the last time I saw her, she asked me to do her hair and I did, knowing that it would be the last time.  I cried inside. I didn't want her to go.  But I knew that she had to go.  I wanted her pain to end.

At her funeral, I was asked to sing.  I didn't feel like singing.  I didn't feel like doing anything.  But because my mother really wanted me to, I did.  I sang Amazing Grace.  Today, I'm glad I did sing for my grandmother one final time.  Even writing about this today brings up feelings of loss.  Wishing she could be here today so I could help take care of her in her golden years and take her places, run errands for her, but it was not to be.

Now all I have is memories, mostly good.  I've forgotten any bad.  Now I leaf through photo albums that bring back floods of memories and I am instantly taken back to the time when the photos were taken.  Even the pictures taken before my time.  She was a beautiful woman with long dark soft country hair--never relaxed, colored or processed--just wavy.  She only pressed it long down her back on special occasions.  She loved to wear her fur coat on Sunday when folks used to dress up for church.  I sometimes like to wear a fur stole and I am instantly reminded of her.  She had Sunday go to meeting clothes that were reserved for wearing only on the Lord's day.  We don't do that anymore.

On Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mother's Day, Resurrection Sunday or anytime we came to visit, she always hosted dinner.  She was always a gracious hostess.  We would invite her over for dinners, but she always insisted that we come over her house and she would fix dinner.  She loved cooking for us.  It was how she showed she loved and cared for us.  So off we would go to Harlem and climb the six-floor walk up (of course she lived on the top floor) to spend time and eat eat eat... Those were good times.  I think she was so strong in part because she used to climb those stairs everyday.  I think I would pass out :) The menu was always scrumptious: macaroni and cheese, collard greens, turkey and dressing, oxtails (back when they were cheap--only poor folks ate them), fried chicken and always a cake made from scratch--pineapple upside down cake.  

I don't remember all that we talked about.  But I remember the feeling of a warm, loving environment--grandma's house.  There's nothing like it.  Sometimes it was just us immediate family and other times extended family would visit--cousins, uncles, aunts and always a relative that I didn't know was a relative.  My grandmother would say, "Katherine this is your aunt, uncle or cousin so and so."  Good times.

But at the time of her death,  I had mixed feelings.  I remember helping my mother with the funeral arrangements.  It was important to me to be a part of the process--to make sure she was taken care of the way she had taken care of us and so many through the years.  I don't remember having inconsolable grief,  only a sense of deep loss.  I felt most sad when she was in the hospice.  I think I possibly grieved at that time because I knew her passing was imminent because I knew she was in so much pain.  My feeling was "Lord let her go to eternal sleep in peace so the pain can stop."  I didn't want her pain to linger any more.  

Now I miss her greatly.  But I also often smile because of all the great memories I have of her and I see so much of her in me.  She made a huge impact on me.  By her actions, by her life, she showed me how to be a woman of faith, grace, and strength and hopefully, I make her proud and pass that on to my daughter and to my daughter's daughter.  So although my grandmother didn't make the history books, she left a legacy that is worth being remembered. 

I love you, grandma.  May I always make you proud.

             
 Lillian Campbell Williams 1915-97

#MiniMorningDevo - God Accepts You as You are

 

Recertification Time... It's A New Day!

Am I overly demanding? I seek not to be critical, but sometimes I'm irritated by those who don't put their best foot forward in ministry. I mean if God has called us to a specific area of ministry, isn't it our responsibility- our duty to operate in excellence? Now I know that some people do the best they can with what they have, but what happened to improving ourselves. I mean if real estate agents are required to attend refresher courses to keep their licenses, just as insurance brokers go to classes to be re-certified and people in their various careers attend seminars, workshops and conventions within their given fields, why do we as Christians think that we don't need a refresher at times and that the knowledge or giftings we have relied upon and drawn from for the past 20 years will do in a world with people of ever changing needs.

It may seem like I'm being hard, but come on people, God gives us opportunities to make advancement for His Kingdom. He gives us opportunities for learning and growing so we can better serve Him and His people. The least we can do is read a couple of books, do some online study classes - something to stimulate continued growth in our areas of ministry. There may be a time someone taps us on the shoulder and tells us that what was once considered good is no longer good enough. We need to see it as a wake up call to step up our game! To get a new pair of glasses and see things in a new light. See it as a challenge and a kick in the pants to shore up the ship, get our act together and become better use for the kingdom. If we have resigned ourselves not to change or to think that what we have done over the past two decades and continue to do is still relevant and good enough, we may need to re-evaluate and take another look at ourselves. We may need to take some courses or be mentored by those who are already on the path or we may need to bow out and allow those who are ready, willing and able to progress to do just that. It may be that God wants to use us in a different way and our season has changed.

We as leaders also need to help youth come into the fullness of who they are. I remember when I was young, I think they allowed me to serve on every auxiliary board and department in the church - from usher, choir director, announcement reader, Sunday school teacher, etc. The older saints (Over 35) would push the youth to find their niche in the church. Nowa' days older saints are so busy trying to hold on to their ministry departments (control which is as the sin of witchcraft) that little emphasis, if any is placed on helping others to succeed and progress in ministry. UGH! It really is a sore spot with me. I did say I would be venting in this blog just a bit.

Lord help us (me) to give you my best, to think of others, to treat others as we (I) want to be treated, to make room for others that you lay on our (my) heart to help, to be patient with others just as You have been and continue to be patient with us (me) and to be kind and gentle to our (my) brothers and sisters despite our (my) thoughts and preconceptions that through love and kindness WE all will make it together.

MinistryMindset: Thin, Plump, Healthy

MinistryMindset: Thin, Plump, Healthy: "Okay its Friday sunny and I cant wait to get off work. First thing after work is to get the nails done. Yep! Definitely get the nails done,..."

Thin, Plump, Healthy

Okay its Friday sunny and I cant wait to get off work. First thing after work is to get the nails done. Yep! Definitely get the nails done, then its off to the hair supply place to get some beautification products. Yep, time to get the hair done too! Ive lost 75 pounds and I'm completely psyched! Whats interesting to me is how differently people treat you when you lose weight, not just men but women too. Its funny because I'm the same person I was 75 pounds ago, or maybe just a little different if I want to be honest about it. I definitely take more pride in the way I dress. That may be because I have more cute things to choose from. Either way, I'm feeling kind of cute today and I think that's okay as long as we don't go overboard in thinking that we are better than others. I am pretty well grounded in that area. Having been thin then been plump :) now on my way back to thin or at least to a more healthy weight, I have seen both sides. I have experienced people's view of me on both sides of the fence and I can't now way look down on others with a weight problem.

What I can say is that I feel a lot better. I can cross my legs, wear regular sized clothing. Yep! It feels pretty good and even better is when I am in the service of the Lord (singing, teaching or preaching) I can serve without feeling like my heart is going to jump out of my chest or sweating profusely. I think that is one of the best results of all.

I think its okay to feel good about yourself... honestly I think God wants us to feel good about ourselves because when we feel good about ourselves, we feel really good about God and our relationship with Him and with others. Because we were created in His image (imago dei), to feel good about ourselves is to feel good about God. Image of God denotes the symbolic relationship between God and humanity. So when we have a healthy perspective of ourselves, for the child of God it promotes a healthier view of who we are in Christ, what we were meant to do and accomplish on the earth and become more in tuned with the purposes of God. So I thank God for getting healthy and maybe, just maybe I am a little different now.

Lesson Learned

As I think about what the sphere is for this blog, the Lord has given a word of caution. First, not to reflect on the actions of others and my superiors. He has cautioned me not to be critical of my leaders and those in authority but rather to reflect upon my own growth in the process of bringing to maturity in ministry. When we are critical of leaders, we are saying that God doesn't know what He is doing for He is ultimately the one who allowed that leader to be in place. When we have such criticism, we are saying that we can do a much better job that God and that just can't be true.

When things are not to our liking we must bathe our attitudes and dispositions in prayer. We don't want to be found self righteous and foolish in the sight of God, so even though we may not understand God's methods, our adverse situations should push us to seek the face of God that He may help us learn the lesson He is teaching us.

The second thing He is helping me to see (which corresponds with the first) is to have honor for authority. A preacher I heard this weekend said that honor means "not to treat as common". I was like WOW! You mean that when we try to get buddy buddy with our pastors and leaders that we are treating them as common... like a friend. Well, the bible says that we are to give honor to whom honor is due and this is not predicated on whether we think they deserve our honor or whether they have earned our respect, it is because God has placed them in a specific place of authority whether we agreed to it, voted for them, went to high school with them, or knew them before they were appointed to authority.

That's what God showed me this weekend. Thanks God because when He shows us something, its for our good and that of the ministry.